This ones for the dads……..

Hey there daddy-o’s!

Its been a while since I posted for you.  I just wanted to bring you up to speed with what may be going on in our heads right now.  Here are some tips and advice for you when your Mrs enters the 3rd trimester.

Please dont stare:  When we sit and order half of the Denny’s menu and then polish off your left overs please smile affectionately and say how much we are glowing.  don’t stare at the beads of sweat pouring off our brow as we struggle to stuff as much food into our mouths as possible.  Just smile in pride at the fact we may actually be able to beed that dude from Man v’s food.  Mental note:  your wife will indeed need to eat again in about half an hour.  Under no circumstances mention that you JUST ate.

Don’t ever respond to the following question:  Do my boobs look different sizes?  We spend hours looking in the mirror convincing ourselves that one is bigger than the other.  I don’t know why I mean lets face it how can you tell when they look like spaniels ears?

Learn to bend your arm backwards:  At the most strange times in bed your wife may say “ooh the babys kicking.” before you get a chance to respond she will grab your arm and put it on her belly and wait for you to feel the baby kick.  Even though this may actually feel like a fart brewing in her tummy just smile through the pain she inflicted by treating your arm like Stretch armstong and marvel at how excited she is.

Prepare for outright panic: You will be sitting there watching TV enjoying a nice drink when your Mrs will suddenly blurt out ” oh my god we are having a baby!”  This is my second and I actually had this last week.  I suddenly realized that this little bundle is actually going to come out at some point and to top it off it’s going to live with us.  Why is it always a surprise?????  Please administer the following.  A nice strong cup of tea and a jammie dodger.  Offer a foot rub and soothing conversation about what a wonderful support network of friends and family you have.  Even if they are all a pain in the arse don’t EVER say that!!!

Best of luck guys and I will catch you shortly before due date time.

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