The awful "C" word………no…not that one you dirty people!

I recently had a check up with my Drs.  My torn bum feels much better.  Still using the surpositories which feel HORRID!  If any of you have watched the film Role Models, there is a bit in that film where Jane Lynch’s character has a rather funny issue with a hot dog that keeps squeezing out of the bun and she keeps pushing it back in.  That is literally what it is like! But, I have to say things feel much better.  I don’t feel I have to hold on to the toilet seat when I go do my business now.

Anyway I am happy to move on from that and talk about something else.

My last delivery did not go very well.  Long story short (39 hours)  I was left with SPD.  That is where the 2 sides of the pelvis separate during delivery.  My daughter was facing the wrong way so I stretched a little too far.  I also had a 3rd Degree Laceration.  Basically that is a tear from front to back.  OUCH! 
I required 9 weeks of physical therapy and some stitches to get myself back to walking and “functioning” properly.  Naturally there has been some concern as to how it will go this time.  I am now 7 months in and I am really struggling with walking.  My sciatic nerve is flaring alot.  I waddle like a penguin so I need to check the integrity of the pelvis. 

My Dr had a polite discussion with me and reminded me that I may need to consider a C Section.  To me this is a curse word.  I am very Holistic and passionate about being as natural as possible.  When I had this conversation with the Dr I agreed that her reasoning was a solid argument.  We need to see how big the baby gets and just weigh up what would be best for me and the baby.  I was calm and collected.

As soon as I got in my car, i had a meltdown.  Only dogs and bats could have understood what I said.  My poor husband.  I called him and squealed down the phone.

I really want to go into labor.  I want the delivery to be on the babies schedule, not a Drs.  I want to feel the labor progress.  I want that moment of exilaration when she is born.  I want the skin on skin immediately after the birth.  I want to Breastfeed straight away. What I then suddenly realized is all the I’s in that sentence. 

I need to think of the babies needs after the birth.  Also I need to think about my daughters needs.  I cant go through another 9 week recovery with a new born and 2 year old.  I need to be mobile.  Last time I couldnt walk without assistance for 4 weeks.  I need to think about the burden it will have on my husband.  He does so much for me already.  I need to keep emotion out of it and do what is right for all of us.  We don;t always get what we want.

Its easy to say but this is my last child.  My last time being pregnant.  I really want it to be a natural birth.  That is going to take alot of emotional management to see logically.

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