Knowing when to stop…

Those people that know me know that I am a workaholic. Of course then it was a difficult decision as to when I should stop working.

I wanted to try and work right up till the day but my body had other ideas. I am so stubborn I don’t listen to anyone. The only person who seems to get through my thick skull is my midwife, much to my best friends dismay.

I went to my Drs apt last Wednesday and my midwife broached the subject of leaving work. I broke down in tears. What the heck was I crying for???? I love my job. I was just plain exhausted. All I wanted to do was just curl up in a ball and have someone lay a nice warm blanket on me. My midwife gave me a reality check and said “if you are tired right now, what are you going to be like when the baby is here?”

Holy crap why hadn’t I thought of it that way??? It’s plain obvious but I didn’t even think of that. I just thought I will soldier on and get on with it. It must be the English in me but I refuse to give up and admit weakness. I bit the bullet, called my hubby then spoke to my boss and we decided Friday last week would be my last day.

It felt very bizarre walking out on Friday but I literally felt like I could sleep at my desk on Friday. I just want to put my feet up and rest.

Walking now looks ridiculous. I walk like those alien robots at the beginning on the film Fifth Element. It literally feels like I have a marrow hanging out my bits. It’s mental. The Braxton Hicks have been getting more and more Intense and they create pain right down in between my legs.

I use visualization to imagine my cervix opening. It sounds foolish but I like to think it helps. We will truly see on Wednesday.

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