First Day back at work……….Oh the GUILT!!!!!!!!!

I feel like the BIGGEST BITCH in the world.  Today was the day I returned to work.  Last night was just too horrid for words.  I was getting Thing 2′s bag packed for daycare and I just felt so wrong. So out of sorts.  I got the milk ready in her bottles and realized someone else was going to be holding her and feeding her.  She would be looking up at someone else’s face. she would have her little have wrapped around someone else’s index finger.  I just felt so guilty!

What else can I do????? I can’t stay home longer with her as my time is up.  Just a lowly 8 weeks I had with her.  It goes by so fast.

The morning was just ridiculous as hubbys alarm didn’t go off and Thing 2 didn’t wake up.  It is sods law because every other day Thing 2 has woken up around 6am.  not today though…..not the day I really need extra time to pull myself together.  I woke up at 6.15 and jumped out of bed.  Got myself dressed.  Barely had enough time for my first crap of the day so I combined that with putting my make up  on……hmmmmm, looked in mirror and decided no time to re do the drag queen make up.  I will just have to go to work channeling Ru Paul.

Got Thing 2 up and fed her.  Looked down at her as the sun rose through the curtains and just kept telling myself its going to be ok.  Look at Thing 1! She is great and she loves daycare.  I just keep thinking to myself, does she know Im her mummy? Does she get confused?  Does she look around at daycare and wonder where the heck she is and wonder where I am.  Why do we guilt ourselves out like this???? It was a very hard drive to work.  I called my hubby and was trying to be strong but I broke down.  I mean proper “I’ve just watched Beaches” broke down……..”the end of Marley and me” broke down.

I got to work and sat in the parking lot and re-did my makeup.  Then made my way in. I had a lovely warm welcome and then realized OH CRAP!!!!!!! Ive left my pump bottles at home!!!!! I have got my pump with me so that I can keep pumping at work but alas because I had my head so far up my own sphincter this morning, I completely forgot the bottles.  So after half an hour of being at work I had to go home and pick them up.

What a great first impression of my triumphant return to work LOL!!!!

The day went really quickly and I was so excited to get back in the car and go pick up Thing 1 and Thing 2.  I got to the daycare and I had butterflies in my stomach.  I was so excited I ran in to the baby room and then realized I had forgotten to bring in the car seat from the car.  Again, I need to take ones head out of ones sphincter.  I got the car seat and went back in.  She had a great day.  Get this though!!!! She pooped twice today??? WTF????? You know the whole pooping situation we have had here, as in, she hasn’t been pooping.  She then goes to daycare and poops twice.  Hey, thats fine by me.  If she wants to save all the curry filled diapers for them then thats absolutely fine by me.

I picked her up and I think they must think I was strange because I gave her the biggest hug and sniffed her head harder than a crack addict in relapse!!!!! Oh god it was so good to have her back in my arms.  She looked so tiny!!!!

I have both my babies back now, I have bathed Thing 1 and put her to bed, Fed Thing 2.  Hubby made dinner then cut the grass.  I made our packed lunches for the next day and washed up.  Now we are settling down to watch Top Gear.  Then I will be collapsing in a heap…………for 3 hours before I get up and feed Thing 2 again.

Night all x

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